A Prayer for Patience with Your Family

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Family relationships can be great blessings, but they can also be so stressful that they test your character. There’s a unique kind of exhaustion that comes from loving people you live with or see every holiday. Because family members tend to be the most authentic with each other, there’s often more tension in family relationships than in different kinds of relationships. Behind closed doors, family members drop the filters they may use at work or at church. It can be especially challenging to be patient with your family. If you’re feeling frustrated with your family members, you can pray for the Holy Spirit's help to be patient. Patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit that the Bible mentions in Galatians 5:22-23. Here’s how to pray for patience with family in different kinds of stressful situations. 

● A prayer for when personalities clash: Sometimes, it’s hard to be patient with your family members because your personalities are different. You might be a planner who thrives on schedules, living with a laidback spouse who doesn’t like to follow schedules. You might be a quiet introvert who needs silence to recharge, living with an extroverted, loud child. While these differences are part of God’s beautiful diversity, they can still be annoying. Everyone tends to see their approach to life as the “correct” way and other people’s approaches as flaws that need to be corrected. But God wants you and your family to stop trying to change each other and instead bear with each other, giving each other grace and mercy, just as God gives you. Then, you all can be who God made you to be and learn how to complement each other. Colossians 3:12-13 urges you: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Since you’re part of God’s chosen people, you have access to God's help whenever you need it to be more patient. You can pray: “Dear God, thank you for the unique way you created my family members. I confess that I often want everyone to think, act, and move at my pace. When their quirks get on my nerves, remind me that I have quirks that likely annoy them. Help me to clothe myself in your gentleness today. Instead of seeing personality flaws when I think of my family members, help me, people you made well and love completely and unconditionally. Give me the grace to bear with them just as you constantly bear with me. Let our home be a place where it’s safe to be different. Thank you; amen.” 

● A prayer for when expectations go unmet: When your family members don’t say and do what you expect them to, it can be tough to be patient with them. You may expect your children to behave in public, or your parents to support your parenting choices, or your siblings to show up for you during a crisis. Maybe you expect to be thanked for cooking dinner, but your family eats and leaves the table. Or you may expect your spouse to notice when you’re overwhelmed with stress and jump in to help, but that doesn’t happen. When a family member fails to meet your expectations, keep the advice in Proverbs 19:11 in mind: “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” You can be more patient when you learn to trade your expectations for appreciation. Try to notice the good that your family members are doing rather than focusing on what’s missing from their behavior that you wish was happening. Most of the time, people aren’t trying to fail you; they’re just dealing with their own stress and weaknesses. You can pray: “Dear God, I confess that I often try to control the people around me through my silent expectations. I get angry when they don't meet the standards I’ve set in my head. Please help me to be wise and to find “glory” in overlooking the small offenses today. Let me lead with a servant’s heart rather than a critic’s eye. Help me to communicate my needs clearly instead of stewing in silence. Soften my heart where it has grown hard and demanding, and help me to appreciate my family for who they are today, not who I want them to be tomorrow. Thank you; amen.” 

● A prayer for when communication breaks down: Communication in a family can often feel like walking through a minefield. You say one thing, they hear another, and suddenly everyone is in defensive mode. Misunderstanding is one of the quickest ways to lose your cool. You feel unheard, so you raise sour voices. You feel attacked, so you sharpen your words. At times like these, it’s important to stop talking and focus on listening well. Be willing to listen longer than you speak. It is choosing to believe the best about the other person’s intentions, even when their words are clumsy or hurtful. James, the brother of Jesus, knew a thing or two about family dynamics, and his advice is perhaps the most practical tool we have for family peace. James 1:19-20 says: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” You can pray: “Dear Holy Spirit, guard the ways I speak today. When I feel the urge to snap back or defend my ego, help me to be slow to speak. Help me to listen well to what my family member is actually trying to say, beneath the frustration or the messiness of their delivery. Help us to find common ground and to speak words that build up rather than tear down. Let my home be a place where voices are lowered, and hearts are opened. Thank you; amen.”

● A prayer for when you’re going through a long season of caregiving: Patience is tough when you’re in a season of caregiving that drags on and on. Maybe you’re caring for an aging parent whose memory is fading, and you’re tired of answering the same question over and over. Perhaps you’re parenting toddlers who are testing every boundary you’ve ever set. These seasons are physically and emotionally draining! When you’re exhausted, it’s challenging to be patient. God isn’t asking you to work more; he’s inviting you to rely more on him for the strength you need to be patient with your family – and to be patient while you wait for God’s timing to see good results from all your caregiving work. Galatians 6:9 encourages you: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” You can pray: “God, you know how tired I am. You know the weight of the responsibilities I carry for my family and how thin my patience has worn. I feel like I have no more patience left to give. Please empower me with the strength I need for all my tasks. Remind me that the work I’m doing for the family member I’m caring for is good and matters. Help me to hold on, knowing that you see how hard I’m working and you’re walking beside me while I work. Thank you; amen.” 

● A prayer for when family wounds haven’t healed yet: It’s hard to be patient with a parent who was never there for you, or a sibling who continues to treat you like a child even though you’re an adult. Your family gatherings may remind you of old, unhealthy patterns and past pain that comes from unhealthy relationships and family conflicts. You shouldn’t let people mistreat you or ignore their boundaries, but you should develop new ways of relating to your family that help you let go of bitterness. Let God handle the justice of family situations while you choose to be patient. Ephesians 4:2 encourages you to: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” You can pray: “Dear God, you know the family history here. You know the wounds that haven’t quite closed and the words that still sting years later. As I interact with my family, please give me patience from your Holy Spirit. Help me to be humble and gentle, not needing to win every argument or prove I was right. Give me the wisdom to set healthy boundaries while still maintaining a heart of love. Heal what’s broken in our family and let the cycle of frustration stop with me. Thank you; amen.”

● A prayer for dealing with minor but significant irritations: Little irritating behaviors from your family members (like leaving shoes in a hallway, talking too loudly, or forgetting to do a chore) can accumulate to become big problems. You may feel guilty for being annoyed by these small behaviors because you think they shouldn’t bother you, but minor irritations matter because they can break down relationships. Song of Songs 2:5 calls them little foxes: “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” God cares about the daily atmosphere of your home. Patience in the small things creates a foundation for surviving the big stuff. So, humble yourself and practice looking for what your family members are doing right instead of what they’re doing wrong, and keep this advice from Ecclesiastes 7:8 in mind: “The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.” You can pray: “Dear God, help me to keep my pride in check today. When I feel small irritations piling up, help me take a breath and remember your patience with me. Please give me an accurate perspective so I can avoid getting too upset with my family members and be graceful with them, as you are with me. Help me to value peace in my home more than I value winning arguments with my family. Give me a sense of humor to laugh at the minor stresses of living with my family day by day. Thank you; amen.”

● A prayer for when you’re the one testing your family’s patience: Sometimes you’re the one who’s doing something annoying that’s testing our family’s patience. There are days when you may speak harshly to your family members or to those who forget a critical household chore. When you realize how much patience your family members extend to you, it can help you see that you all make mistakes, but also play an essential role in creating a healthy family environment. You can expect to get annoyed with each other sometimes, but when you do, it’s necessary to apologize and forgive quickly. Colossians 3:13 says: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” You can pray: “Dear God, thank you for your endless patience with me. I know I’m not easy to live with every day. I know I have moods and failures that require grace from my family. Help me to remember my own need for mercy when I am tempted to withhold it from others. Let me be the first to apologize. Make me a channel of the same grace I need from you every day. Thank you; amen.”

In conclusion, as you stay connected to God through prayer, God’s Holy Spirit will help you develop more patience with your family. The more you practice being patient in your relationships with family members, the more you can create a strong character like Jesus models. God is incredibly patient with you and with everyone in your family. You can count on God’s help to be more patient in every situation you face with your family.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/AntonioGuillem

Whitney Hopler helps people discover God's wonder and experience awe. She is the author of several books, including the nonfiction books Wake Up to Wonder and Wonder Through the Year: A Daily Devotional for Every Year, and the young adult novel Dream Factory. Whitney has served as an editor at leading media organizations, including Crosswalk.com, The Salvation Army USA’s national publications, and Dotdash.com (where she produced a popular channel on angels and miracles). She currently leads the communications work at George Mason University’s Center for the Advancement of Well-Being. Connect with Whitney on her website at www.whitneyhopler.com and on her Facebook author page.